* Most relationships are borne out of a sense of mutual convenience (or meeting certain needs), but what if it was deeper?
i say i don't believe in fate/predestination - but the thing that frightens me is the concept that certain people are inexplicably/inextricably linked. What if there really is "the one"/soulmate and you screwed it up? That concept terrifies me - i could have missed out on "the one" due to timing, location, or just being in over my head at the time and i could never recapture that again. Failure states suck.
Wouldn't it be strange if your "soul mate's" emotionally state could, or does, impact you? If their desires could somehow transfer to you at random times. Though, it would really suck knowing that you wouldn't be the one who fulfills them.
* If you want to read really, really, really bad "poetry" (like potential Geneva Convention torture level bad), i finally breached the 1,000 posts amount. Not that i wrote a bunch of new stuff, but i decided to post some of the more questionable content too (taking me over the mark), that and found some stuff that i previously missed posting (i think).
Apparently, there was a bit of a horny phase in 2010 (though at that age, it makes a certain sense - in my dream life, i would have been close to fathering the last of my children). Some is more explicit than others (let's face it, it isn't like i had a bunch of hands-on experience).
i started "writing" X years ago (don't make me do the math) as a way to try to come to terms with new emotions in my first/only relationship (love, lust, longing, fear, disappointment, etc). i listened to a ton of music, so it seemed easier to me to make pseudo song-style poetry (or Lyrical Abominations). After that, it turned into idealized emotions, hopelessness, or wishful thinking. At this point "writing" anything is challenging (don't feel anything deeply), and there is no muse in the foreseeable future
* Been "watching" some Halloween movies (sort of, i consider horror movies Halloween) in the background. One more to go in my Universal Monster 8 movie set
* Video games: have been playing mostly Rune Factory 4. Took the night off to give my hands a rest. Tried Stardew Valley - don't get the hype. Very little character progression and kind of boring.
* One thing I found was my list of qualities that i was looking for in a "dream female partner" (read wife). This mythical woman probably does not exist. i will now share the list with you:
- Makes me feel safe, wanted, needed, and loved
- Quirky sense of humor/gets me
- Unquestionably straight
- Age: 24-32
- Height: 5'4"-5'6"
- Breast size: At least C cup
- A little overweight, not traditionally beautiful
- Ancestry: Northern European (mix of Scandinavian and/or UK/Irish)
- Eye Color: Blue w/ glasses (or green acceptable)
- Hair: Brown, Blonde, or Red. Never dyed. At least shoulder length.
- Not fickle - willing to commit for life (or beyond) and follow through
- Social: a "homebody" with a few close friends
- Makeup: doesn't use (or uses sparingly)
- Domestic: knows how to cook and clean, decent with kids
- Values: mostly traditional, Politics: center/right
- Relationships: 0-2 partners (never cheated or been cheated on), prefer virgin who "takes care of herself", maybe 2+ times a month.
- Willing to experiment a little in the bedroom. Thinks premarital sex is ok
- No kids, but willing to have 2+ with me
- No abortions
- No tattoos or piercings (except maybe one in each ear)
- Affectionate in private (cuddling, kissing, doting, etc)
- Kind, but not over-the-top empathy
- Moral, but not religious
- Not remotely feminist
- Dog, not cat, girl
- Small, if any, debt. Somewhat frugal
No comments:
Post a Comment