Going back through the disjointed slideshow that was my life playing in front of my eyes. Today's story is one of the bigger chances i felt i had to take. Like every other chance i took, it did not end the way i wanted it to.
It was Mid-April. i had been "going steady" with my girlfriend since MLK day. We started off as playful and flirtatious. Playing paper ball volleyball, exchanging notes, and throwing double entendres back and forth. She was probably the best friend i ever had, but, as a guy, i wanted more. i knew the clock was ticking and senior year would be over soon. Without a solid commitment, i knew i would lose her forever.
i had been thinking about "popping the question" for a while. i told her i was going to do this before we ever started officially dating. i delayed that plan when she got scared after giving out phony credit card information in a search for a former, i don't know what, named Brough. Not sure what the date actually was (probably about April 23). This will sound a little pathetic.
i was alone with her in the TV room. The TV room was important to the relationship. It was where we met and where we spent countless hours together. It was where we started dating. It was where i fell in love with her. At a commercial break from "Kids Say the Darndest Things" with Bill Cosby, i locked the doors got down on one knee, gave her my spiel about how i wanted to spend the rest of my life making her happy. i'm not sure if anything coming out of my mouth was even remotely intelligible. i could have been speaking Chinese for all i know.
i was going to do a little token thing where i gave her the world (globe or keychain) and a cheap $.25 vending machine type ring. Should have bought a lottery ticket too as a token promise of the future thing. She said earlier that she wanted to choose her own ring and i didn't have the money to go all out. But, instead, i just went for it with words. i knew all along she was going to reject me.
My heart was beating so fast. After i got done asking the question, to which the reply was nothing, i sat down on the floor to try and get things under control. This was probably one of my earliest manifestations of Wolff- Parkinson- White (the fluttery, rapid heartbeat). i wonder if i had a micro blackout. When i finally calmed down and stood up, my head was a little hazy. i scanned the room but could not see her. i thought she might have left the room. i unlocked the doors, since i didn't want to explain why they were locked for what i thought was 30-40 minutes. My concept of time might have been a little off.
Later, it dawned on me that when she seemingly disappeared, she was still probably in the room (maybe the pool room). i should have looked for her more than i did. In the off chance that she was offering me something, i did not reject the offer. i did not know that such an offer existed (if it did). If there was, i truly apologize.
After that harrowing experience, i vowed to never ask the question again. i didn't. It is pretty easy when you never have anyone to ask it to.
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