Monday, April 28, 2025

Let's Talk About Sex

Ok, this one might be on the more risqué side (at least for me).

Was watching the anime Yamada's First Time (B Gata H Kei).  This is more from a female perspective.  Then decided to read some of the manga online to see how the story ended (the manga is far dirtier than the show).  Basically, a girl thinks she want to get with 100 guys.  The journey starts with trying (badly) to seduce one "normal guy".  After 2 or so years and a series of misadventures, she actually closes the deal with the guy.  But sex was not exactly what she thought it was and the process changed her greatly.

What is it about sex that seems so mystical, yet strangely unfulfilling (i've heard)?  Is it the "forbidden" (or discouraged) nature.  Is it intimacy and surrender?  As i understand it, it is kind of an awkward act - one that includes pain/discomfort and a little bit of pleasure.  It is so built up as a world-shaking act, that it cannot help but ultimately be a little disappointing.  Expecting intense fireworks, only to get burned a little by a sparkler.  Expecting the dam to burst but only getting a trickle.

i was brought up Christian adjacent, but i think premarital sex should almost be a prerequisite for marriage.  Not mandatory, just strongly encouraged.  In the context of a relationship, sex is essentially a level of commitment.  We're talking long-term relationships here (not one-night stands).  What difference does sanctioning make?  Very little. 

i'm kind of two minds on sex.  On one hand, i like the concept of a theoretical deeper connection with someone you genuinely care about.  On the other hand, it might be better for a relationship to get the initial awkwardness of sex out of the way (and address any "incompatibilities").  If you are in a relationship, don't hesitate having sex.  However, do not get into a relationship just to have sex.  High body counts are not a good thing (suggest bad decisions, self-indulgence, impulse control, etc).

Being in a relationship for months without sex is hard (even if you get some form of release, it is not the release you truly long for).  After a while you start wondering what the other person's motives are, or if they are stringing you along.  It wasn't just sex i was longing for.  i longed for an affirmation (through sex) of a deeper connection.  i thought sex would lead to a stronger bond.  To this day, i'm not sure it wouldn't have.

Females, guys cannot read your mind.  Your "hints" are a lot less obvious than you think.  Be open about exactly what you want.  i probably missed a few chances.  However, i thought she was always testing me, and i thought i had to show her i wanted more than her body.  That was partially true.

Yamada (in the manga) was the most frustrating type of female: the horny virgin.  You have purity with the chance of delicious naughtiness at the same time.  Unfortunately, most of these types are mostly talk about what they want to do, not actually do it.  It can feel like a form of torture after a while.  They might fool around with you, but the end goal is always out of reach.  Yes, she finally had sex. But afterwards she changed from the sex obsessed girl to someone who waited months for a second time.  Someone who couldn't even keep her hands off herself barely wanted sex anymore.

i always thought sex would be like Pringles (once you pop you can't stop).  A slightly awkward and painful (even for the guy) first time followed by several months of 10-15 times a week.  Then when things start to get stale, that's when the baby making starts.

Yes, sex can have some physical and emotional consequences.  Though, i have never dated a woman that i did not want to eventually have babies with.  i know i said wait 5 years for kids but doubt i could have made it past 5 months.  The urge to "plant my flag" was too deep.

Modern life is abstraction upon abstraction.  Modern women wait too long amid the deluge of unnatural society.  Too much effort is spent on a career or getting things rather than evolutionary/biological roles. 


However, sex is kind of a human need.  What should be done in the absence of a loving relationship?  If not for the trafficking and indentured servitude inherent in the profession, i would say legalize prostitution (or as i call it "honest dating").  Too much anime again (Apothecary Diaries), but legalized red-light districts don't sound like the worst idea in the world.  Funneling most of the traffic through something like brothels (of varying levels).  Seems better to me than hookup sites or a free for all on the internet.

i'm not encouraging or condoning cheating on existing relationships.  It is reprehensible to do so. 

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