My Conservative Manifesto Rewrite Part III: The Family

 Family

As i alluded to in the last post (People II), it takes a family not a village.  i always wanted to have a family (wife, 2-4 kids and a dog), but it was never in the cards for me. So, take of that what you will.  My only experience was growing up in a family of 8.

The family is a very important social structure.  This is the part where i get to say what i believe the role of the family unit is. i will also touch on issues such as marriage (and its definition), divorce, and whatever else pops into my head.

The definition of what a family is may have changed over time from the "golden age" nuclear family to the mixed family and single parent households of today.  In the "golden age" or Leave It to Beaver form, there was a father, a stay-at-home mother, two kids and a dog living in the suburbs in a house with a white picket fence.  That would likely be seen as quaint or repressive by today's warped standards. 

So, what do i see the role of the family?  The goal of a family is to create a loving and stable environment where parents can impart a moral and ethical code for their children.  The parents can provide a good home even without marriage. There does not necessarily have to be a genetic connection to be a family.  

The parents should teach their children how to behave ethically in situations and try to promote the development of a child. Basically, teach the child what they view as important in life (goals, attributes, etc).  

This is also the first exposure the child will have with economics. How do they impart the knowledge that the toys the kid has flashed before their eyes are wants not needs?  

I guess the concept of chores and allowances (hopefully tied into each other) to explain a monetary connection between effort/labor and reward/money is an important step.  It might be tangibly more difficult now that many are moving away from using cash.   

Family should aim to create a stable and safe environment for the kid(s) to grow up (and live semi-vicariously through them if so inclined). However, the family should realize that as the child grows up there will be clashes with parents.  The parents should not belittle the kid's views if they disagree with them but ask them to explain why (to improve critical thinking ability).  Easier to say than do (kids say some really dumb things). 

So, a parent is a: teacher, employer, caretaker, source of transportation, a religious leader, a role model (it's really important to remember that) and many other things to the child. 

Marriage - Definitions and Stuff

What constitutes a marriage and what legal role should it play?  Who should be allowed to marry?  From the government's standpoint, marriage definitions exist with a reproductive basis (whether or not the definition should be broader is open to debate). This should be decided at the state level with no federal (or court) intervention.  

Many of the social debates relating to marriage and its definition are based off marriage as a legal partnership (as opposed to the legislated reproductive angle).  Marriage as a business partnership is a strange concept.  On one hand it makes sense, as the formation of the foundation of the family deals with the connection of two people (more if you want to define it that way) both personally and economically.

Personally, i do not believe that government should be dealing with what a marriage is, as it is largely a societal construct (steeped in religious traditionalism).  i do not believe that you need the government's permission/license to be in a committed relationship.  i do not believe that a marriage is something that should be recognized officially as a legal construct.  Marriage is definitely not a right.  

Different cultures have different views on what is appropriate in the marriage construct, with cultural and other valid reasons why a marriage should be defined as such.           

 

Pregnancy, Fertility and Child Raising Ethics

What does this subheading mean?  Basically, a chance to put some more views out there (in no real order)

1. A family (person) should not have more children than they can reasonably be expected to afford.  Kids are extremely expensive (last i heard, i think it was $250K to age 18, but that will go up as the world becomes a harder place, with less opportunity - maybe additional kids cost less).  Parents should probably expect their kids to stay with them a little longer than in the past.  My parents were guilty of having too many children (in my estimation), but they came from a religion telling them to be fruitful and multiply and that somehow additional kids would be taken care of.  Unfortunately, time is not an ally, and you cannot afford to wait until things are perfect. Basically, limit the number of kids if you're expecting to make under $100K
2. Having kids after 40 is not a good idea (not sure about mid 30s either). The optimal times seems to be mid-late 20s. If you have kids, hopefully you will be able to take care of them when they are up to 20 years old (maybe older, the world is a cruel and expensive place).  
3. Some people were never meant to have children - i'm not a fan of medical intervention.  Science can improve life, but i am not sure sometimes how it goes about it. No, i don't believe that fertility drugs and more extreme techniques like in-vitro fertilization and surrogates are ethical (not to mention issues like multiple births and complications).  It seems to be an example of science versus nature. If a woman (straight or lesbian) wants to have a child biologically, she should have to use the natural method of insemination.
4. Child raising ethics?  This is a hard one for someone who has never had kids (and the chance seems further from possible with each passing day).  That depends on the role you want to take as a parent. For the most part, it would be: exposing kids to information that will help shape their views and thinking skills, treating the child with respect, providing the basics of life, protecting them, and basically everything i said in the 4-6th paragraph of the Family section.   
5. Controlling kids: now this is the hard one. Definitions of "appropriate discipline" seem to change every day (with broken psychologist opining).  Earlier in US history, you could whip, beat, hit them and it largely worked. Now that kind of thing is seen as barbaric (what discipline isn't).  There has to be a way to enforce the intertwined concepts of responsibility and consequences. Unfortunately, the way you can enforce these concepts has become rather limited.  Some people believe you should never say "no" and any other negative terms to a child (believe me, they'll hear it a lot later in life).  Good luck with that, most of my life i've been told no in some form or other.  Hopefully, you can impart your kids with some coping mechanisms and skills (so the real world won't eat them alive).  Also, if you can, try to be evenhanded and consistent. 

Responsibility, Ethics and Divorce

So here is where i get to say what i believe the responsibilities and ethics are as they relate to other family issues.  Here i define family as at least three people (typically parental figures and kid)

1. Responsibility of the family: to provide a safe and stable environment (hopefully loving too) where any children can grow and learn while having all the essentials of life (not the luxuries).  Hopefully this will enable future independence and success for the child(ren).  At least that is the goal.  The parents have a responsibility to teach kids and help them develop a moral fiber (that is not something that should be left up to the state), though parents have to be flexible and accept their children despite what potentially stupid decisions their kid(s) make.  
2. Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly.  It should be seen as a lifelong commitment (if not longer) to another person.  It is at once a financial and emotional/life merger.  The commitment can be made, however, without the marriage ceremony.  If a person enters into the agreement, it is their responsibility to live up to the agreement to the best of their abilities. One of the problems seems to be that a marriage license is too easy and too inexpensive to obtain.  It is one of the most important life decisions and should be taken seriously. 
3. Divorces: i'm not a fan.  In my mind there are few legitimate reasons to dissolve a marriage: death, physical abuse, and infidelity. Part of the problem is that people take marriage too lightly.  The societal shift from traditional values (especially on the female side) has produced a lot of damage.  Something like 50% of all marriages now end in divorce.  That is far too high and suggests that people cannot fully commit (reconcile their commitment with their sense of individual freedom).  In other words, they cannot change the mindset of "me" to "we".  If you are not in it for the long haul, don't get married (and always remember, you made a commitment and have a duty to live up to it).