Just found that this post has been in draft statis since July 2015.
The amount of flies in the "family room" is disconcerting, so on with the story... (not even a sentence before I go off on a tangent).
This post is totally fictional, any similarities to any real events (as if such a thing truly exists) are coincidental. There were no real events, this is totally fictional - remember.
In this story, our brilliant hero has bad luck befall him. After all, is there any other kind of luck?
Our hero was just getting back from watching a movie. He opened the door and was really surprised to see people sitting on the couch (talking to his sister, who he was existing with - pathetic I know). Instead of taking the shorter route downstairs, he took the longer route around the side of the kitchen (to avoid people). In his way lay an obstacle - a 2' tall (maybe 1'8" with drooping, since it had been tripped over before) soft plastic gate (the kind of stuff you might use on a garden or something). He figured that the doorway was probably 6'9" like some of the other door frames in the area, but he was wrong (it was 6'7.25" or so). Our hero cleared the gate with ease, but the kitchen "doorframe" was a different matter.
Let's just say that the doorframe left an impression... a bloody impression. Our hero's head met with the doorframe in an unappealing manner (not painful, just unappealing). He then fell back over the gate (and the floor got a little color). He wondered if the baseball cap absorbed some of the impact.
Then our hero managed to go to the bathroom (because all stories should have a bathroom reference). He did his business, but consciousness proved to be fleeting (but not for long). He gained enough consciousness again to flush the toilet, but he was not meant to stay upright for long. You can keep a good hominid down, but he got up this time and washed his hands and unlocked the bathroom door - to be met by EMTs. Maybe he was a unconscious a little longer than he thought.
The EMT's got him on a stretcher type thing and cinched it down. Then the rolled him into an ambulance. Yeah, that was kind of lame. Something like 20 minutes and several needle pricks later he found himself at an emergency room in a foreign city. Then came the waiting, because apparently that constitutes most of what people do.
The nurses came in and cleaned the wound (a line of demarcation approximately 2-3" long). Then they said that they needed to numb the area. If a doctor/nurse ever says something like "this will feel like a little prick" do not believe them (a little prick my a$$!). Well, there were a series of excruciatingly painful "pricks" in the head area. One round wouldn't be enough for our hero though (because that would be too easy). However, as it turned out, the needle pricks were painful enough to allow our hero to lose consciousness. One round of injections and done, right - no. Then there were a second and third round of painful injections. Some say that there was another loss of consciousness. Finally, our hero was stitched up - since he kind of lost consciousness (maybe due to blood pressure and heart rate temporarily plummeting), the hospital decided to keep him for the night.
Then a couple of (probably expensive) things were done. Our hero found himself in a CAT scan thing (after all, he did hit his head) and also had a chest X-ray. Then he was taken to a room in a place called the ICU. The room was marginally better than staring into the fluorescent lights of the ER (our hero is not a fan of fluorescent lighting). While there, he was moved into a bed and asked the series of questions - like what day is it, what year, who is the president, what is the 33 decimal place of Pi? He temporarily got a little nauseous and proceeded to, as Wayne might say, blow chunks a few times. After that he felt a little better.
His shoes were taken off and he got a "hospital gown" (although calling it a gown is a massive stretch). This is when he was "tethered" to the bed. When I say tethered, I mean an IV in one arm (or two) and a blood pressure cuff on the other arm. Grabbing anything would prove difficult.
Then the night came. Our hero was faced with the realization that hospital beds, while seeming soft at first, are not what you would call comfortable. Using the facilities while essentially tethered to a bed would be weird, as he would find out several hours later. At least, being a male, this was probably a little easier. If you were a male that went on road trips with limited bathroom breaks, you would probably get the idea (go into a jar). Our hero was glad he didn't have to go #2.
The morning came, or more truthfully, the night finally ended with our hero unable to sleep (and feeling kind of sore). There were more needles (but IVs do have their benefits). Then there were techs coming by for tests like EKGs and a sonogram of the heart (where the tech pushed a little harder than they needed to.
